Thoughts of the Day

It is hard work (exerting both physical and mental energies) to make major changes in our lives. Complacencies, as wells as memories and feelings of connection are hard to separate ourselves from.
Unfortunately it is hard to picture the light at the end of the tunnel, so more often than not we remain where and as we are.
I am someone filled with much hate and rage, so no one to give advice, but no matter what path you choose, there will be some sort of relief, if only temporary.

Being a wife in many cases is like being a surrogate mommy (why weren't we taught this reality as young girls so we could avoid this path if we so wished?), waiting for the teens years when they say they don't need us and leave us to be our own person again.

Six years later, I am still waiting for the pain caused by deceit and devastation to end.

During 2006, I had come to a fork in the road (one toward healing and the other toward continued mourning for the "family" I had lost). Unfortunately the gears broke (stuck in reverse) heading speedily into the darkness created by the original deceit and devastation, but this time because of the absence and distance of the kids. I find myself on a daily rollercoaster, waiting for one day for this contraption to break down so I can get off for good.

I do relish in the man-hating ways much of the time and would revel in ripping the balls off of most that cross my path. At times though, I do long for peace and to rid myself of these uneasy feelings because I feel it prevents me from moving forward, out of this darkness I find myself in daily. Maybe one day I will change that.

Either way, pieces of us survive in hopes that one day all the pieces can be remade and remodeled back into some semblence of the original puzzle we call ourselves.